his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
