My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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