just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
