i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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