ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize