Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
