Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
