everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
