so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
