i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're a waste of cheezeits
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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