i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
