i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize