OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
