That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
