I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize