Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
