I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
