chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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