there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
