I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize