You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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