He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its liver damage thursday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
