Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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