dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
