he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
