I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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