The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
