I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Text me some of your sweat
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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