All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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