Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
