is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
