You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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