I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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