Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
