He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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