My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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