It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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