if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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