he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
