he wants to bone in the snuggie
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
