yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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