My sheets look like a crime scene.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't notice because vodka
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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