Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
