my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
