You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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