oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
