I hate all girls vehemently.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
