I think i peed on brittanys purse
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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