She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
