She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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