Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Come on in and take your pants off
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