bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
