you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
