"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize