we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
