My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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