oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
