She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
