I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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