apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize