I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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