Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
