You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
