Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
