Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
