I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
