you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
