East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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