I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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